Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
