someone get that fucking seahorse.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
