Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
