Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
