filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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