I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
