sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
