so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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