What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
