wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
