You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
