he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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