Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In other news, I just burned my penis
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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