I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
