dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
