I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
