I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
