he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
