she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
