with your own penis?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
