I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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