well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
