That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
