I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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