I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
