i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
