While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We are two peas in an std pod
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
