fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
