dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
