Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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