So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
