My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Randomize
