A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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