Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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