i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
