She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
