Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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