My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
