Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
