Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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