we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
