we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
