dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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