Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
