Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
