He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize