What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
