I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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