Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
