i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
