it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
