I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize