At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
