Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
