She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just found puke in my bra..
How's work?
Spinning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
