On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
