It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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