Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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