is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize