Soap is not a condiment
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
