you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
