nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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