you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
