I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
