i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish I could teleport
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
