So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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