How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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