Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
