So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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