Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
