did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
